About 15 years ago I had to write the thing below because I felt so wretched after doing what I had sworn I never would do. Sadly, it is best to never say never. Life is easy and it can be hard; life is short and it is long. It hurts deeply because sometimes it is astounding.
Leaping with Daisy
maybe the biggest mistake of my
life was telling you that I would
always look out for you and that
you were the best dog that ever has been.
I often said, when you looked at me with
an eye of uncertainty, don’t worry
my friend you’re safe with us. We
look out for our Daisy Dog, the
best dog that ever has been! Now,
of course I can’t know if you were
the best dog that’s ever been, but
for sure you’re in the top ten; No!
make that top three.
I wrote about you with love in the
story of the Schnud, and was
always proud to tell of you a story or two;
in fact I still do. That time when you
found the Schnud who’d flown
into a tree; that day you herded the
afternoon crowd at the winery and when
you leaped with the jackrabbit not
wanting to ever catch it, because the
running and jumping was the thing.
Even after you got sick and couldn’t
walk, you wanted to play and did
your best to catch that moldy old
tennis ball, front paws moving in
anticipation with eyes watching for
the juke, that surely was coming, ‘cause
I would try to fool you, wouldn’t I?
So, when we loaded you into the
hatchback and told you we were going
to the dock-schmock! you weren’t
ready for the ultimate juke.
It wasn’t ‘til the doctor, who was nice
enough to come out to the car to give
you the needle and the little assistant who
was holding you as you were put to death
was watching us aghast as we were chanting
“The Scripture of Great Wisdom” she and us crying
so wretchedly that our sobs tore the strands
of my heart in two. You looked into
my eyes and I knew…
Oh, sweet Daisy! What a great mistake
I made, in thinking that
I knew the future and
that I knew myself and that I even now
know what compassion you are
capable of. I know you are leaping
with me as I try to run from the
feeling of despair of having turned away.
Great Kanzeon! Kuan Yin!
Please help me to help Daisy
so she knows it was a mistake and
that I will always try to learn from
it and never abandon another being
again. Especially the one who is writing
this. Thank You Kanzeon Daisy,
Regarder of the Howls of the World…
Homage to all the Buddhas in all the worlds!
Homage to all the Bodhisattvas in all the worlds!
Homage to the Scripture of Great Wisdom!
I almost couldn’t read that. What a way with words! That described so many of my experiences so perfectly. I also got the vet to come out to the car for my dog Jake. He was so ravaged by the cancer that had consumed him that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I had made the right decision that time. In fact I hoped against hope that if I ever reached that point, someone would rescue me. But so many others, and all the times I let my life become untenable with a house full of beings that I had rescued that then had to be rescued from the consequences of my actions.
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