Settled into new home in Alameda. Lots of work ahead; cleaning, fixing, arranging, gardening, discarding and generally trying to get feel for the place and setting. The purpose of my being here is to aid in transitioning a property that our temple inherited from a long-time supporter, into a low cost housing possibility for older members of our Sangha. That was the wish of the donor of the property. As to who will become the residents we don’t know for sure. Perhaps monks, perhaps lay people, probably a mix of the two. We have no idea what form it will all take and how exactly it will be set up and that is the purpose of this initial exploration of what is really possible, how it might work and how to go about it. Just a matter of just starting where one is and doing a little each day and, at some point, a clearer picture will emerge.
Personally I seem to be going through a lot of changes having to do with the settling down of the confusion and discomfort experienced since Linda’s death and re-orienting myself to the singular life. I have no family, as such; a half-brother on the east coast with whom I have stayed in contact with and visit occasionally and lots of friends scattered about from my Buddhist Sangha and the relationships developed in 32 years of staying sober in AA., as well as those friendships formed through our married years in the communities we lived. I do feel quite alone but I don’t feel lonely, although I wouldn’t mind a finding a good “friend”, I don’t feel as needy as I did and seem to be allowing things to just be whatever they are and attempting to pay attention to what needs doing.
I’m always interested to see how my expectations and and feelings can push and pull me around when I don’t pay attention. When I’m not aware. When I’m not seeing things as they are there is lots of room for “my story” to intrude and the wish-fulfillment machinery to start its internal clanging and chattering.
Listening and then
Hearing and Seeing;
Right View is to
Act with Right
Intention and then
Letting Go of the Results.