Settling in at the temple and combining doing some chores with more meditation in the mix. The temple has a cat that is a quiet cat. I, however, am a talker and I talk to the cat quite a bit. A great listener she is, but she is staring to talk quite a bit too. I’ll have to ramp it down a bit so that when the monk returns he won’t have a chatty cat to deal with.

I got some distressing news from the little town  where Linda and I lived and entered into that beautiful little community, to the degree that one can truly enter a small farming town; made many good friends and had the happiest ten years of our lives together. One of the kids I watched grow up from the 3rd grade (I was P/T janitor at the Elementary school) sadly took his own life a few days ago. My heart goes out to the mother and her many friends and family and especially to the young man. The mystery of our modern culture, teenagers killing themselves. Because…..?

I can dredge up no words or thoughts that explain or point to resolution in terms of how we are as a society or culture, except to say that all this suffering is part of a larger spiritual problem and, sadly, our way of life does not really encourage the spiritual view.

It doesn’t comport with the things we hold too dear. All of it just stuff and appearance.

A death like this can cause us to individually re-examine what we believe.

That’s a good thing.

The only one, ever, in a situation so deeply sad.
                                              When I am gone,

                                      And the house seems empty,

                             Do not thou, O plum tree by the eaves,

                                            The Spring forget.

I’m staying at our temple for about 2 and 1/2 weeks while our monk is in England for a monastic conference. I’m here to just keep up the daily activities of the temple; it’s a good opportunity to do a bit of spiritual belt-tightening. Meditating three times a day and all the various ceremonies is a good way spend a couple of weeks.

Things are just beginning to settle down for me in relation to the grieving and letting go of some of goofy ideas and expectations that pushed and pulled me for a while.

Growing up is hard to do, especially when your in your latter mid-sixties.

A lot of hoping and yearning that I’ve lugged around is loosening its grip on me and I seem to be less needy; less caught up in the notion that I’m missing a part. I may be approaching a working contentment that doesn’t depend on outside circumstances, or the continuation of my lifelong habit of telling my story, about me, to myself; endlessly.

So far

So good. 

Time for meditation.

To be still