It’s been a couple of weeks since I wanted to post anything. I am in middle of a retreat and also got quite sick for a couple of weeks. Several factors that resulted in quite a bit of discomfort, physical and otherwise; not to mention the endless quality of this Winter.
Sprinkle the above with a weird social/cultural/political uneasiness and one has the makings of smallish personal storms. The good news is that all of this exists within a context, like weather within a climate. Some assumptions regarding weather can be made within and about any given climate, we just shouldn’t be too surprised when the assumptions don’t run true to standard climate models.
So, discomfort and a need for understanding, along with a drive towards resolution and ultimately, a satisfactory explanation, of how, why and what, all went Wrong.
Sadly nothing is ever going Wrong, its just not turning out the way I expected.
Or, things have appeared for which I was not prepared, after all I am a…(Long description of me, my past, my understanding of life, my opinions, insights and a generous helping of blather to make me feel like I know anything; or that I have can control any aspects of life around me.) I can barely control the life within me; and within That, I can only moderately control my reaction to all this weather, let alone have any influence on the climate.
I guess I’m trying to say I’ve been quite uncomfortable for a while now and it is all just fine.
I am Man, hear me Grumble!
There is always learning going on in this torrent of teaching I’ve been offered, but at times it has all been a bit much. I couldn’t even retreat to comfort food or books; I had no appetite and reading hurt my eyes and my head. So, I just had to be by myself. Scary at times, but actually very do-able.
I have to remember that one of the basic premises of the Buddha’s teaching is the prevalence of dis-comfort and dis-ease in daily life, which is solely due to my own picking and choosing and insistence on things being a certain way. My way.
I am sure the “My” is the major clue as to where the problem, and the solution, are nested. Together.
Awakened by fear, doubt and worry. Some Trouble was brewing percolating inside. It
Seemed real, engaging with it, it grew. Realer. Even more than everything I knew to be true.
Going slowly to sit near my altar I glanced and saw.
Stillness at center. In the Buddha,
On the left, determination in Fudo-myo,
On the right calmness in
Avalokiteshvarahe, Regarder of the Cries of the World.
Within the nest of the Hara,
Space and time with
Fear, doubt and worry.
They look alike when sleeping.