Monthly Archives: June 2015

Old processed cheese…

I was exploring a little of Alameda the last couple of days as I was preparing for my move from current location. Yesterday there were 1,000,000 people in Oakland for the Warrior’s Victory Parade and I was one of the few who were just running errands. Today I was there again but took some time look around a bit. Alameda is a  great place. Lots of nice neighborhoods, very orderly and quiet compared to a lot of urban settings, I’m finally starting to look forward to this move.

Tomorrow I will celebrate 32 years clean & sober. It’s been quite a ride. Last week Linda would have celebrated her 33rd year. We had about 29-30 years together. A good life with, and to a lesser degree, without. Life does go on, so far so good!

Not a mistake-free one either. The mistakes have diminished over the years, but I made a doozy of one not too long ago. So, I’m still not perfect; but I am better.

I do have to be very careful when I get into the mindset of “Yeah, I know I’m a bit of a load at times, but you should have seen me back in the old days. I was really a mess.” That type of thinking is the result of trying to rest on one’s perceived ‘Laurels’.

Next week is finishing of move and going to a Giants game on Saturday. The Vallejo Ferry, two blocks away, runs a boat to AT&T stadium on S.F. Bay and doesn’t leave on return trip until the game is over. Even if it goes into extra innings, they wait. Senior price? $8.00.

Thank you very much, aging process.

It will take twenty minutes to walk the two blocks to the Ferry Building. Thank you very much, aging process.

Where was I going with all this?… Thank you very much, aging…? Cheddar?… Oh, well…

I now have the time to realize,

I don’t have much time, and that

I’m the only one who can create

Space and Time in the flow of

 Thoughts and Feelings that want

To pack me up and carry me

Away. From Here, and Here, and

Here, and There, and Then, and When

Ever I really do not want to Be Anywhere.

So there. Take that! Accept It! Right


In transition…

In transit in the next few weeks moving to Alameda. I’ve seem to be a transient. From Tekoa to Berkeley to Vallejo, and now to Alameda. That’s in one year. The decisions that set all that in motion no longer have relevance in my life except that it all stemmed from my not wanting to be where I was, and thinking I needed to be elsewhere. Those are  feelings that still come up for me and they they are always relevant to my life.

The propulsion and yearning for change is very strong in all of us, and for me, is the heart of my meditation practice and following the Buddhist way. How can I honestly and clearly see how this little being has been pushed and pulled by desire and aversion, liking and not liking, approving and dis-approving?

Most of the actions in my life have been informed by a sense that “over there” or “with that one” or “not here” or “not this way” were imperatives that I had little choice to not obey. 

Over the years, with my practice settling in a bit, I have not had that imperative feeling so much, instead it has been much more subtle. More in the vein of  “I’ll do this series of actions or make this decision with the full confidence that it will all unfold in a way that is good”.  (i.e. in a way that I like.)

Yikes!  Now there’s an open doorway into the house of delusion.

But, not always. Ultimately, everything is part of the process of life unfolding and the nature of that, is unending teaching for my own good. The hard work lies in the small matter of, will I learn?

And, am I willing to change?

And, am I willing to keep working on the changes?

Morning rumination has it’s moments.

This one is over.

How about them Warriors? World Champions! One fly in the ointment already. Friday is a big victory parade in Oakland. Friday I have doctors appointments, and two other ones that are set in stone, and the traffic will be horrible.  Whaaaaaa!  Oh, if only the Universe were answerable to my wishes and needs.

I can see the dissolution  of

Body  and  Mind right in front

Of me.  Right inside of me.  How

Do I learn from this?   Being

Still within, and without  any

Ideas of  life  unfolding.  It

Doesn’t.  It  unrolls  and  becomes

Apparent.   Simultaneously.

Bands and Leaves…

Secret pleasure of morning is to sometimes crawl back into bed for a an hour or so. Did so this a.m. and was awakened by a marching band forming and practicing outside my window. Turns out it was a whole parade forming up for a big Filipino festival in Vallejo. Many bands. Some signals are easier to understand that others. Social signals are not my forte. Love signals I almost always mistake or think they exist when they don’t. Danger signals, I’m batting .500. Same for opportunity signals. Marching band signals? I get those right away. So I got up.

Terrific day yesterday. Moving into solution with health concerns and had a great lunch and visit with a new AA friend and generally felt I was being helpful to myself and others.

Changed the picture on my header for this blog, for a while, in honor of my wife Linda who died January 29 2014, and would be celebrating her 33rd year of sobriety this June 14th. The picture was taken at Burchard Gardens in Victoria a few years ago. She loved gardens and flowers and created her own mini-Burchard.

A leaf fell from the tree of life and blown,

Wafted, upward, swirling;

Into the Unknown.

Ships in the night…

Preparing this month for yet another move, over to Alameda, a quieter urban enclave separated from Oakland by a modest waterway. When you come out of the tunnel into Alameda you notice immediately it’s not as busy or hectic as Oakland or the rest of the east bay. It will be an interesting shift. I’ll be living in a house that will soon come under control of our temple as a bequest from a long-time supporter; there are two other houses on the property that will all be be part of a process exploring how we can convert these buildings into affordable living for aging members of our Sangha, monk or lay.

The median rental in S.F. just across the bay from Alameda is $4,200. I know of an apartment that is about 85 sq. feet in the City and it rents for $2,500; and, somebody is paying that.

Anyway, a lot going on. Busy with AA and some personal projects and health concerns and actually living very rich life and yet, there is more…

Looking forward to 1st game of the NBA playoffs tonight. I predict someone will win the game and tomorrow this basketball crazed area will have something to talk about again.

Sometimes the nights are long and the weight of the past can feel a bit burdensome, yet there is a quality of something opening, becoming, almost apparent. Not big revelation but rather a sense of of something finally settling in. Like a sunken ship that has been under the Ocean for years suddenly shifted and nestling into the silt a little more deeply, securely, surely, and there it will  remain and continue the process. It will still fall apart. Not faster or slower, just as surely.

The Moon rises, the Earth

Moves, around the Sun

Circling always going on,

Going on; Always going

On, and on, and Becoming; an

Observable system that dis-

Integrates into No motion, ever

No longer occurring. Here. Now,