Not zoom, not skype, neither e-mail nor messenger, no text or instagram. One voice to another.

A friend who is having some personal difficulties, many centered around Communication and Housing and Money, the Big Three, which can get out of ‘hand’ in our minds rather quickly; especially for those of us who have had the experience of coming back to life from a seemingly hopeless condition. We can quite easily go from a smallish array of conventional problems to full-blown CatAstROpHiC tHinKinG!!! in literally, a heart-beat. Never fun.

So, I called and we spoke for a few minutes and all I said was essentially the kind of thing we can say when we are not in a situation and have a small clarity about it, i.e. at a bit of a remove…As we closed the shortish conversation with arrangement for Pizza and a Coke (Ancient Universal Remedy) tomorrow, I was quite elated as I hung up. And then…

I realized, that all the things I said were exactly what I personally needed to hear for the enclosed and troubled feeling I had been having on and off for the past period of time, you know The Situations, and couldn’t find perspective for.

Voice to voice conversation is the Chamomile Tea of modern human communication, because its real, nuance and voice reveal more than face and waving of arms (I learned to speak American in NYC as a young boy of nine), when words are the important thing.

So, once again I re-find a small truth. I wanted to say something helpful and perhaps reassuring to a friend in discomfort, not crisis, and that intention had an effect on me too, because it was based on the sense of trying to be compassionate (which we all do, so very naturally) outwardly and seeing that compassion flows to where it is useful.

In other words, it flows in all directions. We can’t aim it. Not if it’s real. There is no exclusion, all we can do is offer; and then be surprised at times when we get ‘splashed’ too.

I watered in the garden today

The weeds were happy too, so

Why not, also me and you?

Half-Way on Middle-Path is O.K.

I look back and think my, my, my;

Look at you, came that long way.

But, but I didn’t act quite right

Today. No problem look ahead

Not away, you’re gone, just not

There. Stepping through the gate

Of a one-thin-little-string fence that

Circles this World is not really

That great an accomplishment.

Just go and keep on keepin’ on.

A glance back and a look up and,

Here I am all over again. Bird

Whistle lost in the wind. 

I’ve heard a lot about the value and power of self-examination. Of looking at one’s self (atonement) and one’s actions, motives and results thereof. Sometimes that happens at 3:00 a.m. in the wee, small hours of the morning (Good song title in there somewhere, eh?). What occurred to me this morning was the wonder and power of realizing that one comes into this world alone, and leaves it alone.

A major difference between looking and seeing is this. Looking has a seeking aspect to it, hence a hint of desperation. Seeing is the state of mind after the hunt and the meal. Self-examination partakes of becoming aware of the transitions between seeking and satiety, wanting and sufficiency; and the inevitable recurrence of that cycle. My observation is that in the sufficiency there is time to reflect and weigh what the examination has revealed.

Three o’clock in the a.m. seems to be an optimal time to get a reasonable perspective on ones life as it has been lived, not dreamt about or explained away. This morning’s conclusion is that this little being came into the world to do its best with what it had and the power to care, or not; to create or to destroy; to help or to distain. To look up or to look down. To give or take.

It turns out that it will always be a mix of some sort, but the main part is the give and the take. To offer and to accept. To breathe in and breathe out.

We have a sense that breathing is something we control and to a degree we do; but all those breaths all those heartbeats are accomplished because the mechanism, within which we seemingly dwell, does them following  laws of physics, air pressure, chemistry, hydraulics etc: However there is a part that follows no measurable law of the Universe and that is our choice, our volitional decision. Our choice in how we spend our time and expend our energy which is after all, finite.
Looking is practical. Seeing is a choice.

I choose to see that yes, I am alone but since this aloneness has choices, I can breathe deeply, I can be still and my heart rate drops and I can be All One.                                      The choice of no choice, it is how things are…

At Three-fifteen the birds

Start up expressing their

Heart’s desire to be alive

Alone and at One.

I’m not sure what the exact physics behind coasting is but I can observe that a skateboard is essentially based on coasting.

Effort is made to move and then build up speed and then at some point one can coast, and if it’s a steep downhill the coast is pretty exiting and a paved drop of a few feet over a mile distance can be nice glide. One has to be going downhill to coast.

All of the latest out-pourings of discontent is a natural result of deeply rooted problems that have never been squarely faced, we all seem to agree on that. There is also general agreement that this is a time to face those problems because, Now is The Time.              That Now, was a ‘Now’ not too long ago.                                                                                          Not too long before that was another ‘Now’ and here we Are. And it’s now-time, again.

My reading of history and my observation of the world, people, politics, economy, religion and, most importantly, myself; leads to the conclusion there will be a variety of good ideas that will fall apart because there will be the inevitable clash for primacy between Good Ideas and it will all shrivel up and wither away. I know that sounds kind of negative but that’s my observation of how things often play out.                                  Right now people are fired up, and any fire that’s ever started cannot be guaranteed to stay controlled. How many house burn down every year because the fireplace and the stove didn’t contain the fire? More than a few. Back-fires anyone?

The Truth always holds negatives and positives and they shift before our very eyes because as our eyes that do the seeing, our brains and opinions do the interpreting.   “And. They’re off!” As they say at the start of a horse race.                                                              That’s one description of karma and how it runs our lives and informs our futures. We act on opinions and ideas and habits and we become passionate about them because we assign positive and negative through our personal judgments.

We are the problem. We All are the problem. We, as individuals, are the problem. I am the problem. You are the problem. Which of those problems do I have the best chance of actually correcting or improving?

I am the only person I can change and because that’s difficult and takes time and effort,   I will join up with one or two, or a million, others and try to change you, and if you are resistant to me/us changing all of you Others, the difficulty is exacerbated.

There is no way around this, we are the solution to our main problem, individually.    And yes, we can help each other and we must; in order to progress. At some point we have to get off the streets and off our strongly held views and come home sit down examine how we can be kinder, minute by minute, coming and going, in and out of our ‘doors’.

We have, as a culture, as a set of societal, political, economic, educational, ecological and spiritual systems been coasting for a long time.

Maybe we can get off the skateboard and walk a while and see what we can see. Life is not about the ride. There’s more going on than speed, exhilaration and long coasting.

If its easy to do, it can be a joy

When its hard to do, it

Probably needs to be done.

A message sent to a Oakland PD officer, whose a friend, now at a distance. I was just getting in touch while a confrontation between police and protesters was on TV, and the sad inchoate tensions that were on display for too many reasons to understand, prompted me to send a note.His response was perfect and gave me a joy…first a portion of the note I sent him.

“I hope all is well with you…I just bumped into the messenger thingie and saw your name. So, after just going through Facebook stuff, there sure are a lot of good hearted-well-intentioned folks out there getting themselves all shook up about a lot of variations of injustice and the-world-is fucked-up conversations. A lot of those conversations are about compassion and loving each other and all that, actually good stuff; but I think most people can’t accept the fact that the world, as constituted is neither fair, nor just, and neither evil nor ill-intentioned. The world is what it is. Everybody, for the most part gets up in the morning with basically good hearts and intentions and yet huge mistakes are made. My own experience, vast, in mistake making; is that none of them were ever really planned, they seemed to form without my awareness and suddenly there I was…                                                                                                                      

So, the point: I assume your job has always been a difficult one, within our world of recovery in the midst of life we do have tools; even so it’s hard to bear sometimes. I just want to say you have my deep gratitude for the work you do and did and that the world is in fact a better place because police officers do commit to helping, and helping in circumstances that most people only encounter once or twice in their lives if at all. Take heart and know that you and your fellow officers are appreciated, and its difficult to respond to the world as constituted, for everyone. Another life lost, during protest for a life lost. When will we learn? We will, it is just going to take a long time when ruled by circumstance. Best wishes, friend.”

Then his response…

“…I’ve been trying to practice meditation and keep calm during the extreme chaos and confusion. I know in my heart I am a peaceful person and the ones that yell at me, throwing rocks, bottles and hurl molotov cocktails at me dont know me, and don’t know my heart… so I put my shield down and meditate. That’s my only solution…. This too shall pass Helmut …”

There are no actual sides. Just human predicaments and a huge variety of choices in response. I liked this choice and I hope I can do the same in all conditions.

The Kesa Verse;  (Recited at the end of the first meditation of the Day)

How great and wondrous are the

Clothes of enlightenment,

Formless and embracing every

Treasure; I wish to unfold the

Buddha’s teaching that I may

Help all living things