bewildered…

Went for nice walk to our little town cemetery, takes about 50 minutes of moderately brisk walking and is sufficient to turn my head around when needed; and generally helpful in the grounding of a graveyard experience. No pun intended.

I worked there for the first two years we lived here and it was a great way to get introduced to the small town and its history. Later, for five years I worked as the P/T janitor at the elementary school (100 students) and that got me to know the other end of the towns “timeline”. It’s always good to see the little changes along the way and yes they do seem to occur at a more rapid rate as I get older. I’m having a lot of small physical problems that I’m trying to get info on, another doctors appointment next Wed.,in these mundane matters what I’m experiencing is the continuing unfolding of the simple fact that everything that comes into my life now is something that I experience alone. No one to share or bounce things off of. The transition from “coupledom” to “singlehood” is actually jarring.

I’ve already had the experience of trying to develop a friendship and found that I may be tone-deaf to the nuances of a grown-up friendship. Or, this attempt was with someone I never actually knew, because I was too blinded by the bells & whistles of beauty, brains, spirituality and my yearning for long-term proximity, to see that I was dealing with another human being just as lost as I was. Us human beans, we take a long time to cook up proper.

Which brings to mind one of my favorite sayings, attributed to Daniel Boone,

“I’ve never been really lost, but I’ve been bewildered a few times.”

Rattlesnake Canyon…

1.

I can stand by the

Roadside in the 

Mountains, and wait

For the love of my 

Life to come by. Or,

I can love life as

It is, and be Still.

2.

That Bird in

This Canyon.

Being, fully bird

Here. This life;

No other,

Not ever. For now.

 All of it.

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