Its become a bit of a custom to walk around the cemetery here in Walla Walla most days and babble into a small recording device. I actually have babbles from almost ten years ago walking around Tekoa Cemetery. It’s been very instructive because all that talking was nibbling at the edges of the same Koan of insecurity that has been ripening and unfolding for me, now blossoming, in a very deliberate way. And, it’s quite uncomfortable. I know pretty soon (September?), I’m going to need to do a small private retreat somewhere really quiet and just allow some time for non-judging, just looking at this very old structure of my insecurities that are just showing up. Like blowing sands in a desert uncovering a shrine that once was sacredly used but fell into disuse and then, became visible again. Perhaps to be re-purposed, as they say.
The use of the babble is that I have no expectation of anyone ever listening to it. It’s not super private or anything but it does reveal the slow appearance of an insight.
What it really shows, I think, is that we are all instruments for our own awakening and nothing is ever wasted or too late or not perfect for the moment. Since the babble is not for consumption as such, its a bit more introspective than if produced for the audience of another person. It slowly touches on, and then begins to embrace, the difficult karma that has been so shy. like a lost dog overcoming caution and fear in favor of the food being offered by the kindly voice.
As an old AA friend used to say about the 12 Steps. (And is true of all spiritual effort.)
“It’s a process, not an event!”