The neighborhood,
I sit watching. Some shady
Transactions going on
By the pond; those cats
Are up, to something, I just
Know. I was schooled in the
In the city. Here comes one of them
Now. Trying to look all cool and
Nonchalant,
Yo, my name is Pancake,
I don’t know why you wanna
Call me that, but that’s cool; we
Got to start somewhere if I’m gonna
Jump all up in your lap and begin
My move outta that barn. Its alright
Now, but it does get cold in the Winter.
Have been very busy during June getting ready to move from costly crowded Bay area to low housing cost rural area in Northeastern Oregon.
I’ve rented a cabin on a small horse ranch run by a friend I made through the local Sangha a few years ago. I’ve got a warm tidy, nicely appointed cabin settled amidst horse pasture, corrals, barns, outbuildings, a green house, small pond and small stream/irrigation ditch that flows next (10 feet) to the cabin, It comes of the Wallowa’s and the Eagle Cap Wilderness area with over 30 mountains over 8000 feet just 15 miles away.
The difference between the Bay are and here is stunning.
I finally caught on to the fact that I had my priorities upside down. Rather than be uncomfortable in the Bay area (despite the many good friend), and visit here; I could live here and visit There. Epiphanies can be quite common-sensical. I’m sure there will be a lot write about in this coming year and many changes in the offing, but I see it first and foremost, as a spiritual decision, and as practical, mental health-wise, and economically. Prudent all around, really.
I just got through with a great intensive retreat at Shasta Abbey led by one of our remote monks with whom I took refuge and became with, when we lived near each other in northern Idaho/Washington.
He was the monk I called when my wife, Linda, died 2 1/2 years ago. He came in the middle of the night driving through heavy snow for almost two hours, and then we did the ceremony for a layperson who has died; he also presided over her cremation, and her memorial and, the public funeral ceremony. We have close ties. The retreat was very helpful as a sort of springboard for this transition. Geographically and internally
I’ll go to the Bay area again next week for two weeks and tidy up some loose ends and bring some more stuff and then become a resident of Oregon and all that entails.
I’ll have a better sense of things at some point and will keep more regular postings up.
Last week a resentment swarmed up the stick I was using to poke at all the little ways the world and the people in it were not behaving in ways that pleased me.
At first, of course, justifications took precedence and those lasted for a good couple of hours; then the niggle that perhaps I was wrong and not seeing clearly arose and that took a couple of days and a sleepless night to become apparent as true. I also had to do some things. Sit still. Examine. Open my heart. Be willing. Be teachable. Give myself the Dharma. Accept the teachings as they came. Two dreams. One, pulling a large wooden splinter out of my right eyeball with tweezers in the bathroom mirror. The other, walking next to my teacher, and he, uncharacteristically, putting his hand around my shoulder as we walked and I felt only Love being transmitted.
He was one of the objects of my resentment because sometimes I don’t like the way he does things.
Almost twenty years of my accepting (haltingly and with bristling, carping and grousing at various times), this student/teacher- master/disciple intention experiment (“We’ll see how it goes…”) and having to remember my part. To examine, to accept; to make the teaching true for myself. That truth which transcends teacher and student, peasant and sage; and does not stand against itself.
My former father-in-law, a true Irish self-made-man, Joe L. used to say “You can’t have it every-which-way!” The truth.
Anyway, it takes what it takes and I have to remember that “one should always be disturbed by the truth”, because otherwise it’s just an agreement between what I know, what I think I know, and how the world appears in relation to all that, to me. Dead end.
Resistance is a many-headed dragon. It doesn’t need slaying, just some good nourishment and a safe place to rest and enough comfy pillows for all its heads. Luckily I have Resistance Whisperers in my life.
The swirl of youth
great fear and bravado
intermingled. In
side this very being
contemptuous of life
committed to no
thing or any one or two.
single action twenty
two shorts sub sonic
everyone a danger and
no one or thing safe
from this fear.
Oh, dear that never
was or could be. Me,
only means world
alone and no end in
sight. So.
Now, gratitude flows
no source or reason
for, just naturally
appearing at time
and situation with
no co relation but
connections deep to
fear drives aimlessly
in youthful night.
Now, know still, and solid in
this dream, molecules are
universes drifting
in purpose, fully.
(A) a smallish apology to self and others (those few who view this nattering), and a thank you for your nice comments at times. The previous post was literally written in a haze. A haze of fever and fatigue due to some flu-cootie coursing through this body and mind thus making life and perception very interesting for a few days. As is often true, if I’m willing to see, there was a lot of teaching in the illness. One piece of that was a clarity within the haze that was not neatly expressible by this natterer and pecker(er) of keyboards. So, having said that, I now venture to say this:
I am going to offer a simple explanation of a common misperception that has a lot of truth in it but misses some vital information. I’m going to use my limited knowledge of how a computer works and how a human being works and see if I can make sense of something that niggles at me in various ways in various situations, all of them requiring (or begging for), a larger context.
All humans are wired exactly the same!
The actual schematic varies because we are all custom built!
The actual build varies because of slightly different needs by the Apps we run!
We all run Basic Apps from the great App Store!
No one App-mixture is exactly like Another!
When two identical Apps appear, they are still on separate machines (twins), so Different!
Many of the Apps come with the Basic Model (OS), many more are downloaded for Free!
Others come at a cost (often to be determined later)!
The simplest can be easy/difficult to run, depending on Configuration, in Relation, to others.
The basic system, Always needs Updating. The apps (new and old), Always need Updating.
We (OS + System), have a built in Algorithm (Choices), that allows an outside View of our Selves!
That, is the mechanism (or OS), built in, by which we access Outside, Unknown (as yet), Input!
We can call that the Higher Power, The Force, That Which Is, God, The Eternal, The Unborn!
We, have a Choice!
To use, or not.
Seeking outside, or inside, the Self – is always a volunteer
Effort!
System overload🙂
Contemplative Space 