Home is when you have to…

…go there, they have to take you in. More or less a quote from from Robert Frost

A long lay-off. Living in Alameda and waiting for Winter.

My days are taken up by small projects around the property I’m living on, preparing for the (hopefully), rainy season and trying to set the stage so that next year everything is in place and prepared for the eventual use of these houses as affordable-living space in the Bay Area. Fulfilling the wishes of the generous donor who left this property to our Sangha with a specific charitable purpose in mind.

I have also been rather busy with a few personal projects that are in the arena of my own looking ahead (and out), for the declining( and increasingly, shorter), years, and trying to suss out where, how and why to allocate dwindling time, health and practical resources. In other words, a closer examination and more preparation for the inevitable. Being practical.

Recognize that the only real important preparation is in spiritual/religious practice, but that does not stand against being practical and relatively comfortable in how the last weeks, months, years may be spent. I’m in relatively good health and fairly sane so I’m not being morbid or anxious; just realistic.

At this point I’m mostly inclined to move back up to the Inland Northwest next Summer/Fall. A few things need to be sorted out and re-aligned but nothing to complex. Things having to do with stuff, and eventual landing site. I can even see a few scenarios where I may be able to be in Bay area part of the year (Winter-ish, I would think, but not exclusively or extensively). All that will depend on a few things sort of falling into place. So, as has been true for most of my life, I have no idea exactly where I’m going, or why, or when; but I’m pretty sure there is some movement in my future, and I suspect perhaps the last move. But I thought that when Linda and I moved to Tekoa.

I was in Tekoa last month for a couple of days and was able to visit with some old friends, but not nearly as many as I wanted to see and spend a little time with. I miss those good folks and the sense of community they offer and exemplify in their daily lives.

I remember driving to Tekoa from the airport on this last trip and seeing those several places that Linda and I though of as special and made us proud that we were so darn smart to have found it and moved there (When point in fact it was stumbled upon and decided in an hour or two because it felt right. Sometimes the Intuition is 100% right:). As I passed those points I realized they were no longer as special. Because when Linda was in the car (It was always at least hundred mile round-trip and often had to do with medical things, but certainly not always.), and we were headed home, they were landmarks. They are no longer special even though I have a house there that can no longer be home; Linda’s not in it.

We fixed up that house for her. It was the way she wanted it and she worked hard on many details that pleased her. I put in a few hours too:) but now its just a house and cannot be home. A nice house, but full of things that also are merely memories of a past that cannot be anymore or again.

Thankfully it is home to a friend of long standing at this point and hopefully that will become a permanent thing for her and her family.

The bittersweet joy of life is always at its fullest as the Autumn passes and we settle into Winter.

My Winter is here, a necessary

Aspect of mundane existence which

Allows for the gathering of energy with

Complete renewal as the object and

Intention of that Process we call

Creation. Coming into being again and

Again, always Becoming that Which we

Know Not the reason for appearing in

This Life. Over and over&over and changing

Again. Yet again, something more than familiar.