After being in Walla Walla for the last year and settling in a bit, I had started to look at houses that were in my range of do-ability, and just recently realized that what I could afford also called for at least two years of remodeling and endless puttering, and then I had an Aha! moment, and decided to rent an apartment instead and settle into old age as an apartment dweller. It was a big step in several ways. One, was the simple fact that at my age I need to be realistic and err on the side of caution in my plannings long range. A couple of AA slogans came to mind; K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid) and Easy Does It!
I had been feeling sort of captured by my ideas about aging and the things that I have schlepped around with me for the past few years after Linda’s death. All MY tools and gadgets and stuff that a prudent homeowner has so they can fix what needs fixing, from shovels to planers, to pole pruners, chop saws, fine saws, one million assorted screws and nails and hinges, and handles and lights and clamps, and gizmos and extension cords, table saws and routers, and another million or so items that are “put away” and I don’t even know I have them. A bed that weighs 14 tons and is a “king”, and I am really, just a former knave. I had lost perspective and become used to old discardable ideas that no longer served me, but rather I served them. So another move is on. It may be my last or I’ve got four or five more, somewhere in the future ’til there is a last.
What’s been currently (last night), interesting is what stolid companionship worry, fear and doubt can be when we least need them (2:11 a.m.). They arise unbidden and give me plenty of opportunity to not only observe and feel (and feed) them, but also to enter the pack as a visitor and sort of knock around with them in the wee hours. I could probably bring a camera crew and get a couple of hours of documentary footage for the PBS “Inner-Nature” program. And then it’s time to just, get-the-fuck-up and enter the day. Facing the actual aspects of life that require a different type of participation activity, you know, doing. So, my first doing was to put on outside clothing and drive to “Popular Donuts” in Walla Walla, 6 minutes away, and get my usual (once a week), an old- fashioned Chocolate, and a Powder Lemon-filled donut. Then home (Now three minutes away), and a cup of coffee and a few pages of a poetry compendium by Red Pine.
Now, that is an example that the stuff in our minds is basically not real, but Popular Donuts is (and are), real. Life continues and I have to go do some chores around the new apartment and this month use many of my tools for the last time before finding a home for them where they can help others. That’s what tools do. I want to become a tool.
With these hands, also
This mind, I have wrought
And sown much disaster, as
Well as strife. Now, for
Some years there has been a
Peace growing within
That informs me, that All means
Every Thing. Every No-Thing.
In and Out
Nothing goes to waste,
Not even time. Not in
The long run.
(Donuts are a good Thing, In moderation)