Todays struggle was to not spin out. Just keep doing that which seems good to do and not let expectations arise in a form that is not helpful. So far so good. I put to rest a yearning when I learned that there was no way for it to be realized. So far so good.

I am reading a book called “Blowing Zen” by Ray Brooks about his journey to Zen through taking up the Japanese bamboo flute called Shakuhachi. Very good read and informative. I’ve been listening at night to an album of Zen Shakuhachi healing music, that I had originally played for Linda during her last decline and now I listen to it as I fall asleep. The cat and dog both like it as well. I do have my cat available for adoption, but no takers yet. She’s a truly great cat and I’m getting a little worried. We’ll see.

My karma and my cat’s karma are like her gravity and my gravity.

The same and similar in many ways, but experienced differently.

When I board an airplane, I am in a planeload of people with whom

I share some karma; If that plane crashes, it’s still that karma, and,

Very different;   yet,      the same and similar              in many ways.

Going to Sandpoint today for the meditation group meeting. A chance to say goodbye to a wonderful group of sincere trainees. They were great supports when Linda was ill and dying and after she died. The Sangha Treasure is a real entity, not just and activity. They are a core group of about seven dedicated people pursuing Zen training and the reality of living the Buddhist life, I think all seven of them have taken the Precepts. That is no small thing! I think of them and my heart is glad; two words sum them up: Good folks. Period. He exclaimed!

On another note, early morning in bed and sensing the change that is going on right now. A new freedom. Release from a delusion. Relief from a preoccupation. Complete willingness to just leave alone and allow the world to do what it does best; to just go on. Sad, grown-up joy. True love.

Early morning, or the

Middle of the night, A

Thought arises from the

Hara, true to the heart and

suffused with Love, I can

See. I can accept. This is.

Went to the Ear Nose Throat doctor today, apparently won’t need Throatectomy as I had feared. Nothing like information to settle or give perspective to my fears.

Despite the fact that very, very few of my fears, during the whole of my life, have come to pass; I forget that and when a new one arises it takes on a life of its own.

That has a lot to do with our personal koans( A Zen term for a seemingly unanswerable question about our life, in our life); they always seem to partake of similar aspects that we need to look at dispassionately and compassionately, when the time comes that we can.

And, I have to remember the old AA acronym;

F.E.A.R.

False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.

I was sitting in my living room at some point recently and sort of musing at all the dissatisfaction I was experiencing and then I remembered, one of the little notes that I have a habit of writing to myself and then leave laying around as a reminder. This one says (just took the picture).

       So, I looked around and saw not only the shelter and food and clothing and “stuff” I have, but my good fortune in having so many friends and people with whom I can share my sorrows and my joys and my confusion; my life. I am one fortunate human being…and still I find my self discontented…and, all I have to do is look around.

I’m glad I’m so scattered that I have to leave myself notes, and I do and I read them and they work. Even more fortunate than I thought just a minute ago. Oh! Thank You!